Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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