1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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