Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
