I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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