If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
