Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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