I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
