You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
operation harelip BJ is a go
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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