My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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