Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize