So drunk its hurt
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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