I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
