I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
