So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
