her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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