She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
