I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
