I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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