He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
