I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
