She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
