If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
