you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
