The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
