weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
