Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize