thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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