"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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