I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize