this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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