dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
