Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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