You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
