she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
