hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
