can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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