Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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