Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize