I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
