I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
