I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
