I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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