I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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