I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
