This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
