All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
