Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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