I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
