tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
