He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize