I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
