A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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