You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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