He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize