omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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