he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
please don't ironically join a cult
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