Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize