im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
