Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
