Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
