Your mouth is God's brothel.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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