i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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