hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
