We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
