i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
