Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
God I need to hump something, right now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
