I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
