Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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