To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
