mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
