my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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