yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
