I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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