paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
