Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
