her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
