At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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