When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
