I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
