You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
