um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
