I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
