He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize